IS FEAR AND FAILURE HOLDING YOU BACK

Here I am, one month in…….

Just in case you haven’t been following, I moved to Byron Bay from Airlie Beach one month ago. I know I know, a hard life, one perfect destination to another. That is the typical reaction I get. And while I totally understand that with this next statement I am going to expose myself to some possible, eye rolling from some people, moving here and starting in a new place is the second hardest thing I have had to do in my life. Maybe, I have been lucky and spared a lot of hardship, and for that I am grateful.

But it has really got me thinking a lot about fear and failure. Two very foreign emotions for me.

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm

Pushing through fear is still a constant daily chore for me. And let me give full credit, for Jan to bear witness to this journey, I think it must feel like a 4 year war like battle.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of judgement. I have it all. And anyone who reads or follows successful people knows that FEAR is stifling to growth and development and FAILURE is essential to success. I know this stuff. That doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. If anything it makes it even more frustrating.

Today I was reminded again, that I am not alone in this feeling.

And from an outsider it pains me dearly to see the mental internal struggles that people are facing within themselves day in and day out. Because I know I need not remind you, that we only get ONE chance at this.

So I wanted to write and let people in on a little secret….

The only difference between the people you think have it all together, and you, is their willingness to be vulnerable. 

To acknowledge your struggles to your loved ones, to ask for help, to have someone to support you and for you to commit to yourself a daily practice that you are not going to give into fear, but acknowledge it and push through it. The truth is, you really owe it to those around you that care about you and most importantly you owe it to yourself to be the best version of yourself.

Even if you have forgotten what that best version looks like. I am 300% confident they are in there, maybe buried deep but waiting patiently for you to uncover it. It won’t be comfortable but holding onto that feeling of what it will be like when you are there, should keep you moving forward.

Now let’s get this clear. Your best self is not a lighter version of yourself, a prettier version of yourself, a taller, smaller, fitter, stronger, musclier, smarter, funnier version of yourself.

The best version is YOU, unapologetically YOU. With all of your flaws, troubles, your worries, your laughter, your sadness, your fears. I cannot express to you enough, how heartbreaking it is for those who love you, to watch you become a smaller version of yourself.

There is a reason why when we watch a small child in all their innocence, your heart lights up and you cannot help but to smile. They dance in public until they see people are watching them or not, sometimes they dance more, they cry, they laugh, they say exactly what is on their mind, they’re loud, when they are tired they get cranky and need to sleep, sometimes all they need is a good hug from their parents and above all else, they need to feel LOVED. And as adults we listen to these cues almost instinctively.

Yet when it comes to ourselves we don’t listen at all. As we get older and the world teaches us to become harder, through disappointment with ourselves and others, we build up a barrier and we let fear and failure take over us. Stopping us from feeling worthy of LOVE.

Vulnerability is not for the weak, but for those brave enough to want to know happiness. Said me 🙂

I beg you. Stop living small, right now. Don’t wait for something significant or tragic to happen to make you regret all the time you have spent living in your own fear of not being good enough.

If you are totally lost and don’t know where to start, these are a list of things that can help:

  • Acknowledging that fear is limiting you
  • Talking to people, friends, family, loved ones. This is one of those times where alcohol is advisable. Go for a glass of wine with a girlfriend and tell her your fears (these people aren’t there to judge you, but support you, and if they do judge, I guess they weren’t really your friend).
  • Clear things up in your life. If you are holding onto emotion from years ago, deal with it. Especially guilt, you have to get rid of this in order to move forward. Write a letter, see a counsellor do whatever it takes to let it go.
  • Having someone in your corner, to lift you up. There is nothing wrong with needing to be told you are worthy. If you don’t have anyone, I am volunteering and putting my hand up.
  • Meditation. I really like Melissa Ambrosini’s mediations.
  • Spend more time doing things you LOVE, things that make you feel better. BUT don’t let that become your obsession or escape. People so often use exercise to make them feel good only to end up obsessed and in a body image war.
  • Listen to motivational talks, speakers, people that really get you questioning yourself. In order to grow you need to be challenged.
  • Follow people who inspire you, not who make you feel worse about yourself. Anyone thinking they need a social media overhaul?
  • Don’t let yourself get caught up in your head with the negative talk, shut that sh*! down and quick
  • Don’t project too far forward or into the past.Stay present.
  • Be grateful for things, and don’t just say you’re grateful, actually show gratitude for things. Say thank you, send a message, give with acts of kindness
  • Be kind, but actually genuinely kind. Not just to get things in return.
  • Smile, laugh, have fun. Don’t take life so seriously. One day it will be just a memory.
  • Remember the best things in life are free, don’t let financial woes stop you from enjoying your time – spending time in nature, with loved ones, sitting still, chatting with friends, laughter, being intimate.

Most importantly, know that someone out there, your mother, your father, your daughter, your son, your husband, your wife, your grandma, your friend & me – think  that there is something pretty freaking AMAZING about you and wishes that you saw it!

DON’T EVER FORGET IT ….. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW….

 

Love Chantel